Friday, July 5, 2013
I talk about Super Sentai
As a kid I loved Power Rangers. In all actuality I don't believe I ever stopped loving power rangers it always had a special nostalgic place in my heart. I remember watching Mighty Morphin, Zeo, skipping turbo (I don't think my young brain could handle that crap season) and the last one I watched as a kid was In Space which had a fairly well done plot when it comes to Power Rangers seasons. As I grew older I would catch an old episode of MMPR here and there and I really didn't watch much of the other seasons because in my eyes and probably in the eyes of others that was the best season because of the nostalgic place it holds.
Prior to the age where the internet was easily accessible to so many people, we had no way of knowing that Power Rangers was derived from this show in Japan called Super Sentai and especially no means of watching it over here. A couple years ago I was able to watch my first season of Super Sentai which was called Dairanger. Dairanger was where Mighty Morphin Power Rangers got their thunder zords and the white ranger from. When I watched Dairanger I saw elements of this show that were not transposed into the American adaptation of the series. One of the things in particular was a plot and sub plots that you could follow and get invested in as opposed to the I'm the bad guy here's a monster out of an arbitrary object. I'm not bashing power rangers in any way but as I progressed through the series I became more invested in what was unfolding. Another thing was with Power Rangers we get these guys dressed as monsters smashing up these towns, however in the Japanese counterpart you see the buildings crumbling and the citizens fleeing and one or two people trapped under rubble. Small touches but they add context and go a long way in gaining the interest of an older viewer. After finishing the season I kinda felt cheated from the product that we got stateside.
After watching that season I went on to watch a season called Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger which happened to be their 35th anniversary season and I was absolutely amazed. The plot begins with a threat facing the earth which requires the 34 previous Super Sentai to gather and fight off. The aftermath of this is that in the fight all of them lose their powers and they are scattered throughout the galaxy. A space pirate gathers most of the keys through his ventures he amasses a crew. Their destination is Earth where they are told the greatest treasure in the universe lies. Concurrently, the evil forces that fought the previous 34 sentai have returned to take over the planet Earth as they have taken over and destroyed most of the planets in the galaxy. The forces attack and initially the pirates have no interest in protecting the planet or its people. Through their search for treasure they learn elements of humanity that give them insight on why both the planet and the people inhabiting it are worth protecting.
I was amazed that they made the protagonist antiheroes because it was not something I was used to seeing in Power Rangers. It took the black and white of good guys vs. bad guys and added in a grey area. This season also features a plethora of cameo appearances of former Super Sentai members who initially are not ok with the new Super Sentai being Pirates and having their old powers. After they are around them long enough they realize that the pirates are actually genuine and trustworthy enough to hold on to their powers so that the crew can reach their goal. As they progressed towards their goal they ran into a sixth ranger and one of my favorite characters from the show. The sixth ranger is a super sentai fanboy who gains his powers risking his life to save someone. His knowledge of Super Sentai history becomes useful to the pirates and he eventually joins their cause and aids the crew to their ultimate goal. What makes him my favorite character beside him being a fanboy of super sentai is how his presence helps the crew gain further insight into humanity as well as his growth in understanding what it is to be a hero. There are several key points in the series in which he learns that not only is it the powers that make the hero but the will to fight and make a difference.
Now that I have the summary out the way this season was so amazing. I mean it was the ultimate fan service season that provided a history into super sentai and it didn't use the formula that the good guys always win in the half hour slot. There are a few episodes that start in the middle of zord fights which helps add depth to the show and helps the viewer understand that there is more to their fight than what is shown in the time slot of their show. There are also episodes in which they lose showing their tenacity to fight to accomplish their dreams. There are also very well implemented subplots.
So why have I spent this entire blog giving a synopsis of the two super sentai seasons I watched? Honestly because I felt like it. It's not directly related to my work but I am in a stage of rebuilding on many aspects. The series amazed me, enthralled me and inspired me. It avoided being super campy as opposed to the adaptation for audiences outside of Japan. (It was still campy but what can you expect from spandex and motorsycle helmets?) Gokaiger ended in 2012 and I still get hyped when I hear the theme song. So as an artist all I have to say is go out there, find your inspiration and follow your dreams.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Cracked Lemonade
Personally I don't know the circumstances that make me more inclined to write or be creative. It can just be boiled down to sometimes I'm inspired to write, draw, or whatever I feel like doing and sometimes I don't. As I continue to develop more work I sometimes look back on other things I write or draw. I recently read this piece I wrote around 2008 about the concept of cracked lemonade. Honestly cracked lemonade began as the name of my Myspace account. It was honestly two words I placed together to make the URL of my account. It developed over that span of time into what I would subsequently name my YouTube account to give identity to my videos. It's funny how over the years people ask what it means and why I chose that combination of words. Well here's an untitled piece of writing by yours truly from 2008 about cracked lemonade.
Who am I?
I am Cracked Lemonade.
I'm the glass of lemonade that sits
on the counter and nobody drinks.
As a result I become less favorable
as time goes on. Flies land in me,
mold grows in me. I'm fucked up.
There is no saving grace.
There is no person who says
"This shit's vile!" and pours
me out and fills the glass with
fresh lemonade. I just sit there.
I am Cracked Lemonade.
I've seen shit, I've been through
shit that other glasses haven't.
I am poison but at the same time
I'm not poisonous to myself.
I'm just a glass that is waiting
to be poured out.
But here's the question,
when will I be poured out?
I see no purpose in being a discolored
glass of lemonade sitting on the
counter everyday waiting for that
one person to see into the glass and realize
how disgusting I am inside so they can
finally just pour me out. I may be liquid
but I can feel. I feel that I am no longer
yellow or any color close to lemonade.
I feel the insects and other things swimming
within my being. I feel the mold growing
and the glass breaking. I feel everything.
As I sit here, this glass of lemonade
sees other glasses surrounding him.
I see the lemonade actually made
from lemons. I see the lemonade made
from concentrate and unnatural sugars.
I also see the other glasses can't tell the
difference. This glass of lemonade also
sees that as cracked lemonade he serves
no purpose. Because even though
cracked lemonade sees all the other
flavors he cannot fully understand his
own flavor. Was he artificially sweetened
or naturally flavored? Before his flavor was
tainted did he taste good? Would his
original flavor quench thirst?
As cracked lemonade he will never know.
So as cracked lemonade I sit in my glass waiting
to be poured out.
Now tense issues aside, this was interesting to re-read. Overall it's good to see how my attitude has changed. Being cracked lemonade isn't easy and somebody has to do it. Sometimes you look back at things and realize that things aren't as bad as you perceived them and that there are other tainted lemonades out there, some are even poisonous to themselves. Being Cracked Lemonade isn't as bad as I made it out to be back then, it's just something I have to live and grow with. Maybe one day I will turn from lemonade to a uniquely flavored wine or something like that. To go out on a Bruce Willis quote "Smile you fuck!"(The Last Boyscout)
Who am I?
I am Cracked Lemonade.
I'm the glass of lemonade that sits
on the counter and nobody drinks.
As a result I become less favorable
as time goes on. Flies land in me,
mold grows in me. I'm fucked up.
There is no saving grace.
There is no person who says
"This shit's vile!" and pours
me out and fills the glass with
fresh lemonade. I just sit there.
I am Cracked Lemonade.
I've seen shit, I've been through
shit that other glasses haven't.
I am poison but at the same time
I'm not poisonous to myself.
I'm just a glass that is waiting
to be poured out.
But here's the question,
when will I be poured out?
I see no purpose in being a discolored
glass of lemonade sitting on the
counter everyday waiting for that
one person to see into the glass and realize
how disgusting I am inside so they can
finally just pour me out. I may be liquid
but I can feel. I feel that I am no longer
yellow or any color close to lemonade.
I feel the insects and other things swimming
within my being. I feel the mold growing
and the glass breaking. I feel everything.
As I sit here, this glass of lemonade
sees other glasses surrounding him.
I see the lemonade actually made
from lemons. I see the lemonade made
from concentrate and unnatural sugars.
I also see the other glasses can't tell the
difference. This glass of lemonade also
sees that as cracked lemonade he serves
no purpose. Because even though
cracked lemonade sees all the other
flavors he cannot fully understand his
own flavor. Was he artificially sweetened
or naturally flavored? Before his flavor was
tainted did he taste good? Would his
original flavor quench thirst?
As cracked lemonade he will never know.
So as cracked lemonade I sit in my glass waiting
to be poured out.
Copyright © 2008 Dane Bard All rights reserved
Now tense issues aside, this was interesting to re-read. Overall it's good to see how my attitude has changed. Being cracked lemonade isn't easy and somebody has to do it. Sometimes you look back at things and realize that things aren't as bad as you perceived them and that there are other tainted lemonades out there, some are even poisonous to themselves. Being Cracked Lemonade isn't as bad as I made it out to be back then, it's just something I have to live and grow with. Maybe one day I will turn from lemonade to a uniquely flavored wine or something like that. To go out on a Bruce Willis quote "Smile you fuck!"(The Last Boyscout)
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Developing Series
I haven't really talked that much about my work lately. The original intention of this blog was to add supplementary information about my paintings and other work, but that concept led to me not being as consistent with this blog. Sometimes so many ideas float around and never come to fruition because negative thoughts beat out certain ideas to make the thinker perceive the thought as a bad idea. Also when it comes to me this year started out on a good note but things went from good to bad to worse in a short period of time. My posts on this blog were a reflection on that and was a way to get ideas out of my head. In the long run it's a good thing because it allowed me to keep my blog up to date. It's March and I am almost tied with the amount of posts I made here in 2012 and 2011. It's good to have the ability to transfer energy into something productive.
This particular post is about a series I unintentionally developed. It can be perceived in my art that I tend to draw or paint caricatures of myself often. It's actually one of the things I'm asked when I show a particular sketch to someone. Usually when I do character studies I tend to want to base them off of someone, even if I never intend on painting that subject. If I like how a study comes out, I tend to plan to put it on canvas. Since I almost never have another person as a character study, I utilize myself. Over the past few years I have completed three paintings on wood using the profile view and the colors black, yellow and orange. The last piece of this series was completed New Years day and is the first painting in the series. After I developed this I was able to chronologically order and the order in which they were created are actually opposite of the order of the paintings.
The above picture is the most recent and it illustrates this subject moving away from his source of being. The ties are being broken and it seems that he is searching for something and not looking back to his source of being at the moment. In the chronology of these pieces it was developed last but comes first since the subject seems to be severing ties with something similar to itself.
The next piece depicts the same subject shedding a large tear, going into a head and face that is not together for lack of a better word coming out of the bottom. This particular piece was created in the middle and subsequently takes place in between the first and the third painting.It represents loneliness and the distorted face represents the abandoned idea that the subject will find what he is looking for.
The last piece was the first one painted and shows the subject surrounded by darkness looking up at the only other thing similar to himself if the sky. He is away from his source of being and enraged because he feels abandoned and alone.
Earlier this year I did revisions to my artist statement and through my research I learned that orange is a color that can be used to represent spirituality. This was not something I knew through my initial development of these paintings. By no means is this particular series complete as I see the subject going through more trials and hopefully he will find what he is searching for.
This particular post is about a series I unintentionally developed. It can be perceived in my art that I tend to draw or paint caricatures of myself often. It's actually one of the things I'm asked when I show a particular sketch to someone. Usually when I do character studies I tend to want to base them off of someone, even if I never intend on painting that subject. If I like how a study comes out, I tend to plan to put it on canvas. Since I almost never have another person as a character study, I utilize myself. Over the past few years I have completed three paintings on wood using the profile view and the colors black, yellow and orange. The last piece of this series was completed New Years day and is the first painting in the series. After I developed this I was able to chronologically order and the order in which they were created are actually opposite of the order of the paintings.
The above picture is the most recent and it illustrates this subject moving away from his source of being. The ties are being broken and it seems that he is searching for something and not looking back to his source of being at the moment. In the chronology of these pieces it was developed last but comes first since the subject seems to be severing ties with something similar to itself.
The next piece depicts the same subject shedding a large tear, going into a head and face that is not together for lack of a better word coming out of the bottom. This particular piece was created in the middle and subsequently takes place in between the first and the third painting.It represents loneliness and the distorted face represents the abandoned idea that the subject will find what he is looking for.
The last piece was the first one painted and shows the subject surrounded by darkness looking up at the only other thing similar to himself if the sky. He is away from his source of being and enraged because he feels abandoned and alone.
Earlier this year I did revisions to my artist statement and through my research I learned that orange is a color that can be used to represent spirituality. This was not something I knew through my initial development of these paintings. By no means is this particular series complete as I see the subject going through more trials and hopefully he will find what he is searching for.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Thoughts
Sometimes we compare certain events to past events and we can say on a superficial level that event a was better than event b due to these particular factors. If I compared the beginning of this year to the beginning of last year I could say similar things. 2013 started out with its ups and then some downs. The downs took more of a toll than the ups, but that can be expected positivity is easier to swallow than negativity. Negativity is easier to wallow in and get sucked into.
This year I came in with a plan and I worked hard to get the things I needed to get those things done. Obstructions came my way and they were overcome only for bigger obstructions to appear, but that's how it works right? I reached a huge obstacle that not only shook the foundation I was standing on but created enough fissures for me to fall through the ground and land extremely hard. There were moments I wanted to give up but there was always someone there to talk some sense into me and I'm grateful for that. Not many people have that support system. I am a believer that difficulties are a test to see how you will stick with something and sometimes it will seem hopeless but if it's something that you are passionate about you will stick with it and reap the rewards. I spoke with an artist during the opening ceremony of an exhibition at my alma mater and he told me that everybody has a story of how they succeeded or failed in whatever they attempted to accomplish.
I grew up in an abusive household, both physically and verbally. Many times I was verbally berated to the point where I began to question my own self worth. It's difficult to understand these things as a child and when you are young and it happens often enough you begin to accept it as your reality. You don't question certain things without an outside perspective present to give you reason to question. It wasn't until I spent time away and started being productive and receiving praises for things I did right instead of ridicule for things I did wrong did I begin to slightly question things. Even in that instance I wasn't fully able to understand the full spectrum.
The last paragraph was not an attempt to get sympathy. There are many others who suffer similar fates and much worse. Who don't get a glimpse of the positive and in a way are forced to focus on the negative. Sometimes it makes it harder to move forward when you're looking back too often. The point is that as individuals we have to learn how to let go and focus on moving forward. For some individuals forward momentum is easier to gain due to a good support system, for others rationalization becomes a crutch. Our fears sometimes shroud our better judgements and we begin to make certain things fact without them actually being fact.
We all have obstacles to overcome, you can't really understand someone else's without knowing their story and even then you may not be able to understand.
This year I came in with a plan and I worked hard to get the things I needed to get those things done. Obstructions came my way and they were overcome only for bigger obstructions to appear, but that's how it works right? I reached a huge obstacle that not only shook the foundation I was standing on but created enough fissures for me to fall through the ground and land extremely hard. There were moments I wanted to give up but there was always someone there to talk some sense into me and I'm grateful for that. Not many people have that support system. I am a believer that difficulties are a test to see how you will stick with something and sometimes it will seem hopeless but if it's something that you are passionate about you will stick with it and reap the rewards. I spoke with an artist during the opening ceremony of an exhibition at my alma mater and he told me that everybody has a story of how they succeeded or failed in whatever they attempted to accomplish.
I grew up in an abusive household, both physically and verbally. Many times I was verbally berated to the point where I began to question my own self worth. It's difficult to understand these things as a child and when you are young and it happens often enough you begin to accept it as your reality. You don't question certain things without an outside perspective present to give you reason to question. It wasn't until I spent time away and started being productive and receiving praises for things I did right instead of ridicule for things I did wrong did I begin to slightly question things. Even in that instance I wasn't fully able to understand the full spectrum.
The last paragraph was not an attempt to get sympathy. There are many others who suffer similar fates and much worse. Who don't get a glimpse of the positive and in a way are forced to focus on the negative. Sometimes it makes it harder to move forward when you're looking back too often. The point is that as individuals we have to learn how to let go and focus on moving forward. For some individuals forward momentum is easier to gain due to a good support system, for others rationalization becomes a crutch. Our fears sometimes shroud our better judgements and we begin to make certain things fact without them actually being fact.
We all have obstacles to overcome, you can't really understand someone else's without knowing their story and even then you may not be able to understand.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Everybody dies
This is a post I originally started in 2012 around the time the series finale of House aired on fox. There are many reasons why this didn't get completed and there are probably other bloggers out there who have the same issue with certain posts that never end up seeing the light of day.
I cannot say that I am a huge House fan due to the fact that there are a ton of episodes and seasons I have missed due to the fact that I am not a huge television watcher. I gave the whole HULU thing a go and I just had very little motivation to go to that site regularly. However this last season of House had me absolutely hooked and I think I only missed one episode (forgot to set the DVR) of this last season. I watched the series Finale aired titled "Everybody Dies" and I have to say it was fucking brilliant. The episode began with Dr. House waking up on the floor of some random warehouse not that far from another man who he discovers is dead and at this moment a deceased member of his medical staff appears in front of him. The apparition tells him that the guy is dead and points out that the warehouse is on fire and that he should head for the door. What makes it even more interesting is that House doesn't try to make an exit instead he instead starts talking to the apparition who through the course of the episode we discover is a manifestation of his self conscience trying to reason with him to stay alive. Well I'm not an excellent explainer of things so it may not sound as epic as it was, but in my opinion it was for various reasons.
The first reason I would give is the fact that it was a very intense episode that dealt with the main character of the series looking for a reason to live. Throughout the season things began to unravel for House and it brought him to the point where he sought oblivion. It was a great climax and House went out like the genius he was. I won't give too many spoilers because people get all whiney about that type of stuff. I do have to say that House's final moment in the warehouse was almost poetic in a sense. The timing, the whole inner dialogue being made external for the audience, it worked.
The second reason is that as a viewer I could relate to the main character's plight. Honestly sometimes it all seems pointless, hopeless, depressing or whatever other word you can think of. There are external elements that we have to combat against every day. Depression is a beast and there are times where we can easily be sucked in and succumb to negative thoughts. Originally in this post I started complaining about my situation at the time and that honestly was the stopping point of the post because I started to get a bit personal. Honestly there was multiple things going on at the time that made me consider my own oblivion much like House contemplated his. External forces become internal after you hear them enough times. When you are surrounded by a negative force it's harder to fight against those forces. Most times we are put in those situations and removing ourselves from them may not be an option or may not even be a simple option.
Between the time that this blog was originally developed and now I was on and off with a battle of my own that I had to trudge through. Things were put in perspective for me during the summer however when a friend of mine took his life. We're all battling our own battles, most times we feel isolated because there are moments when we feel as though we need someone and they aren't there. It's a selfish thought because those folk are out there fighting their own battles as well. We have to look within ourselves and look to a higher power to find the true strength to carry on. When all seems hopeless as long as you stay patient and keep believing, anything is possible. It can't rain forever.
I cannot say that I am a huge House fan due to the fact that there are a ton of episodes and seasons I have missed due to the fact that I am not a huge television watcher. I gave the whole HULU thing a go and I just had very little motivation to go to that site regularly. However this last season of House had me absolutely hooked and I think I only missed one episode (forgot to set the DVR) of this last season. I watched the series Finale aired titled "Everybody Dies" and I have to say it was fucking brilliant. The episode began with Dr. House waking up on the floor of some random warehouse not that far from another man who he discovers is dead and at this moment a deceased member of his medical staff appears in front of him. The apparition tells him that the guy is dead and points out that the warehouse is on fire and that he should head for the door. What makes it even more interesting is that House doesn't try to make an exit instead he instead starts talking to the apparition who through the course of the episode we discover is a manifestation of his self conscience trying to reason with him to stay alive. Well I'm not an excellent explainer of things so it may not sound as epic as it was, but in my opinion it was for various reasons.
The first reason I would give is the fact that it was a very intense episode that dealt with the main character of the series looking for a reason to live. Throughout the season things began to unravel for House and it brought him to the point where he sought oblivion. It was a great climax and House went out like the genius he was. I won't give too many spoilers because people get all whiney about that type of stuff. I do have to say that House's final moment in the warehouse was almost poetic in a sense. The timing, the whole inner dialogue being made external for the audience, it worked.
The second reason is that as a viewer I could relate to the main character's plight. Honestly sometimes it all seems pointless, hopeless, depressing or whatever other word you can think of. There are external elements that we have to combat against every day. Depression is a beast and there are times where we can easily be sucked in and succumb to negative thoughts. Originally in this post I started complaining about my situation at the time and that honestly was the stopping point of the post because I started to get a bit personal. Honestly there was multiple things going on at the time that made me consider my own oblivion much like House contemplated his. External forces become internal after you hear them enough times. When you are surrounded by a negative force it's harder to fight against those forces. Most times we are put in those situations and removing ourselves from them may not be an option or may not even be a simple option.
Between the time that this blog was originally developed and now I was on and off with a battle of my own that I had to trudge through. Things were put in perspective for me during the summer however when a friend of mine took his life. We're all battling our own battles, most times we feel isolated because there are moments when we feel as though we need someone and they aren't there. It's a selfish thought because those folk are out there fighting their own battles as well. We have to look within ourselves and look to a higher power to find the true strength to carry on. When all seems hopeless as long as you stay patient and keep believing, anything is possible. It can't rain forever.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Looking back to look forward
I was actually planning to write a blog earlier but things happened and in many ways I was put in a creative slump for a couple weeks. Things like that happen just like things beyond our control work to take us off our path and make us submit and accept failure. Along with this blog, I have older posts from Myspace days and some other entries. Occasionally I like to look back on these posts, read them and see if I still agree with what I had to say around that time period. I'm not entirely too sure how I'm going to do these posts yet or how frequently I will do these type of posts. This is more or less the tester post.
Life:
September 1, 2007
What is it
to live? Why do people regret the things they do with their lives? Why do
successful people regret more than people without riches? Explanations are
needed for these questions. Do you have an answer? Are you honestly happy with
yourself? Are you happy with the decisions you made in your life? Would you go
back and change the past? Do you believe that you have led the life you wanted
to live so far? Are you living for anyone else?
The answers to these questions aren't simple. But there are answers, people who do not accept these answers are only harming themselves. Introspection is the key. Look at yourself before anything. Know who you are and achieve happiness through yourself.
End...
The answers to these questions aren't simple. But there are answers, people who do not accept these answers are only harming themselves. Introspection is the key. Look at yourself before anything. Know who you are and achieve happiness through yourself.
End...
To be honest I don't remember the context under which I wrote this post being that it was in 2007. I know I was a couple of weeks into college, but honestly idk if that holds any relevance either to the point of which I began this questioning. I still believe what I was saying in this blog post and to be honest I'm still working on these questions. Recently I have been faced with a situation of whether I will live my own life or live my life for someone else. Following your own dreams isn't easy but anything worth while isn't easy. I believe that once we go through our individual struggles we can look back at our hardships, laugh and say "Hey I looked fear in the eyes and kicked its ass." There are moments where we want to give up of course, but if we quit at something we're passionate about who are we cheating but ourselves?
Monday, January 7, 2013
Energy
In science class we learned about different forms of energy and about how energy is transferred from one object to another. Through life I learned about emotional energy and how it's transferred, it has the same properties of kinetic and potential but the effects vary on the person it is affecting. Emotional energy is very powerful and can illicit unpredictable responses especially when the energy is at its peak. This post is going to be less about how this is transferred and more about my experience of transferred emotional energy.
For the sake of simplicity I'm going to talk about the two extremes, positive and negative. While I was pursuing my degree in college I had a few good roommates and a couple of roommates I didn't necessarily vibe with. Actually let me revise the last statement I had a few great roommates, friggen awesome ones who are going to do great things with their lives. Anyway at this point you may be thinking "What's your point? We've all had shitty roommates, what makes you think you'd be an exception to this." My answer to you is I didn't think I would, slow ya role. What I want you to think about is the circumstances surrounding your crappy roommates, how they affected you and even the time that they were placed in your life because everything happens for a reason.
During the four years of my college career I went from one roommate, to three roommates, to one roommate to two roommates. Dynamics are important at least in my opinion in regards to introspection. The first year I had a an awesome roommate, with whom I got along very well with throughout the school year. Second year two out of three good roommates but after the third one stopped being my roommate we became friends. Third year great roommate, fourth same great roommate with additional not so great roommate. Each of them had different effects on my psyche and there were things that I gained from each. Examples would be my first roommate was very positive, hard working and spent most of his time in our dorm studying. Next year I was placed with him again along with a roommate that taught me that if you just work hard and don't set aside time for fun you'll go crazy. Third roommate was almost a hybrid of the first two roommates he was a hard worker who regimented his time from day to night balancing the multitude of extracurricular activities he has under his belt with his classes but he always took the time aside to have fun and whoop his friends in fighting games. When it comes to the grand scheme of things these were great people to be around and from living with them, I learned a fair amount and I know the individuals I am speaking of have success in their future.
Now on to the negative and what I learned from the negative, because focusing on the negative and not taking away any knowledge inhibits growth. Things happen for a reason; the good, the bad and the ugly. The third roommate lived life at a different pace than other college students and was a fairly wise individual. There was a generational discord between me, my other roommates and him. Again after we stopped being roommates, we were able to understand our differences and get along well. The last roommate to put it bluntly I had a extreme disdain for his being. Timing is everything and on a very basic level I had just quit smoking cigarettes so my temperature was very volatile at the time. But also his traits were in a direct conflict with mine, he was studying business and I would say his persona as well as his persuasive abilities made that almost the perfect thing for him. I quickly learned that he was a two faced individual and as one who prefers honest, upfront people as well. But he was who he was and I am who I am. I wish him well and I hope that he's working towards obtaining his goals whatever they are.
During that time I was living with those individuals I did not have the outlook I have now. Especially with the last roommate, I did not like him at all and all honestly I kinda wanted to fight him and in retrospect that wasn't good. I let someone disrupt my own personal peace and I knew on many aspects he would do things just to spite me. More than likely I did the same thing. But the lesson was there, I had mostly good roommates up into that point and I was supposed to learn that I will not always live in favorable conditions.I will not always be surrounded by the positive and in those instances I have to be stronger than I was before. As I work to reach my personal and professional goals I have to keep that in mind because again I am not in favorable conditions. Sometimes as people we like to dwell in the positive and avoid the negative and in those instances when the negative comes about it can consume you. The point where I had the worst roommate, I ended up being the most productive artistically. I spent most of my free time in the studio painting, at most times until 3 am in the school's studio space. I have to do the same thing right now to get out of the unfavorable circumstances I am in right now.
work in progress
For the sake of simplicity I'm going to talk about the two extremes, positive and negative. While I was pursuing my degree in college I had a few good roommates and a couple of roommates I didn't necessarily vibe with. Actually let me revise the last statement I had a few great roommates, friggen awesome ones who are going to do great things with their lives. Anyway at this point you may be thinking "What's your point? We've all had shitty roommates, what makes you think you'd be an exception to this." My answer to you is I didn't think I would, slow ya role. What I want you to think about is the circumstances surrounding your crappy roommates, how they affected you and even the time that they were placed in your life because everything happens for a reason.
During the four years of my college career I went from one roommate, to three roommates, to one roommate to two roommates. Dynamics are important at least in my opinion in regards to introspection. The first year I had a an awesome roommate, with whom I got along very well with throughout the school year. Second year two out of three good roommates but after the third one stopped being my roommate we became friends. Third year great roommate, fourth same great roommate with additional not so great roommate. Each of them had different effects on my psyche and there were things that I gained from each. Examples would be my first roommate was very positive, hard working and spent most of his time in our dorm studying. Next year I was placed with him again along with a roommate that taught me that if you just work hard and don't set aside time for fun you'll go crazy. Third roommate was almost a hybrid of the first two roommates he was a hard worker who regimented his time from day to night balancing the multitude of extracurricular activities he has under his belt with his classes but he always took the time aside to have fun and whoop his friends in fighting games. When it comes to the grand scheme of things these were great people to be around and from living with them, I learned a fair amount and I know the individuals I am speaking of have success in their future.
Now on to the negative and what I learned from the negative, because focusing on the negative and not taking away any knowledge inhibits growth. Things happen for a reason; the good, the bad and the ugly. The third roommate lived life at a different pace than other college students and was a fairly wise individual. There was a generational discord between me, my other roommates and him. Again after we stopped being roommates, we were able to understand our differences and get along well. The last roommate to put it bluntly I had a extreme disdain for his being. Timing is everything and on a very basic level I had just quit smoking cigarettes so my temperature was very volatile at the time. But also his traits were in a direct conflict with mine, he was studying business and I would say his persona as well as his persuasive abilities made that almost the perfect thing for him. I quickly learned that he was a two faced individual and as one who prefers honest, upfront people as well. But he was who he was and I am who I am. I wish him well and I hope that he's working towards obtaining his goals whatever they are.
During that time I was living with those individuals I did not have the outlook I have now. Especially with the last roommate, I did not like him at all and all honestly I kinda wanted to fight him and in retrospect that wasn't good. I let someone disrupt my own personal peace and I knew on many aspects he would do things just to spite me. More than likely I did the same thing. But the lesson was there, I had mostly good roommates up into that point and I was supposed to learn that I will not always live in favorable conditions.I will not always be surrounded by the positive and in those instances I have to be stronger than I was before. As I work to reach my personal and professional goals I have to keep that in mind because again I am not in favorable conditions. Sometimes as people we like to dwell in the positive and avoid the negative and in those instances when the negative comes about it can consume you. The point where I had the worst roommate, I ended up being the most productive artistically. I spent most of my free time in the studio painting, at most times until 3 am in the school's studio space. I have to do the same thing right now to get out of the unfavorable circumstances I am in right now.
work in progress
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Battles
It's amazing how much of music can influence someone. It has been proven to affect moods and I see it affect people's lifestyle everyday. But this particular blog post is not about music and it's affects on people, go look up some psychological research for that. I was cooking earlier and I was thinking about a particular song and the lyrics to a particular song. That song is Angel by DMX and this particular song always sends me in a contemplative state and for the sake of adding perspective I will post the lyrics below before I continue with my point.
"I'm callin out to you Lord, because I need your help
See once again I'm havin difficulty savin myself
behavin myself, you told me what to do, and I do it
But every and now and then, gets a little harder to go through it
Losin friends, day by day
I'm in so much pain when I'm here Lord, please take me away
I put you here to do a job, and your work ain't done
To live is to suffer, but you're still my son
And there will be a time when you shine as bright as the stars
But there won't be a, his or hers, just ours
Then you'll see what I've been tryin to show you, all these years
Do the right thing; cause after the tears, come the cheers
I will, my Lord, with my heart, and my soul
That's gonna be how I roll, from now until I'm old
Lead and I'll follow, you take away the sorrow
I'ma sleep on what you said and holla back tomorrow
I want you to know Lord, that for what you've given me I'm thankful
Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, I'm grateful
You gave us power in our words, so I think before I speak
And that way when I speak, they know I'm here to teach
Can't tell em nothin wrong, cause I love em too much
I reach a lot of people, and Lord, I'm lovin the touch
But deep inside, I've got somethin that's workin against
everything I know is right, what I know makes sense
That's when you must fight harder, than you've ever fought before
cause what you've got goin on inside you is a war
between good and evil, be careful of those who wanna be you
They smile, but are not really happy when they see you
Be careful of the ones that always wanna get you high
Cause when the time comes, that one'll let you die
Listen to me! I'm here, but I can only help you
if you want me to help, what do you want for yourself? "
So here are two verses that speak to me the most and have for years. I've quoted this song on numerous occasions to illustrate points. Mainly the part where X says "I put you here to do a job and your work ain't done to live is to suffer, but you're still my son." That part made me really contemplate my position when going through difficult times and often times contributed to me having the strength to move on. The part I don't quote about the internal war and fighting harder is something I consider often as well. Recently I updated my artist statement and I discuss the burden of the hero. Often times we are faced with internal battles that we often times want to verbalize but feel as though there may not be others who understand. However, as disconnected and as isolated as we feel, there are others out there who feel just as isolated for similar reasons. I've always been a fan of heroes who act alone and have to fight harder than other heroes such as Spawn and Wolverine. Both of them have to battle emotions, thoughts and memories as well as their opponents. The reason being is that I often have similar battles as well.
Often times many people say they like Wolverine because he is a badass, ignoring the multiple dimensions of this amazing character. On the most basic level he is a mutant with an incredible healing ability that causes him to recover from any mortal wound as well as age incredibly slow. As we delve deeper this is a man with several lifetimes of memories; joy,love, pain and tragedy. He was a soldier that was experimented on and had adamantium bonded with his skeleton a rare metal that is virtually indestructible. During this process his memories were fragmented as well as altered to make him a more controllable weapon. He managed to escape and since he escaped he had to work through his memories to find one thing he would really enjoy having, inner peace. Many of us are searching for the same thing as well as pure happiness. We have to remember things happen for a reason and learn from everything that happens to us good and bad. It's hard to not get consumed by our negative thoughts and I can tell you there are times where my doubts won out. It's a never ending struggle, but as long as you don't give in there's always hope to win.
"I'm callin out to you Lord, because I need your help
See once again I'm havin difficulty savin myself
behavin myself, you told me what to do, and I do it
But every and now and then, gets a little harder to go through it
Losin friends, day by day
I'm in so much pain when I'm here Lord, please take me away
I put you here to do a job, and your work ain't done
To live is to suffer, but you're still my son
And there will be a time when you shine as bright as the stars
But there won't be a, his or hers, just ours
Then you'll see what I've been tryin to show you, all these years
Do the right thing; cause after the tears, come the cheers
I will, my Lord, with my heart, and my soul
That's gonna be how I roll, from now until I'm old
Lead and I'll follow, you take away the sorrow
I'ma sleep on what you said and holla back tomorrow
I want you to know Lord, that for what you've given me I'm thankful
Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, I'm grateful
You gave us power in our words, so I think before I speak
And that way when I speak, they know I'm here to teach
Can't tell em nothin wrong, cause I love em too much
I reach a lot of people, and Lord, I'm lovin the touch
But deep inside, I've got somethin that's workin against
everything I know is right, what I know makes sense
That's when you must fight harder, than you've ever fought before
cause what you've got goin on inside you is a war
between good and evil, be careful of those who wanna be you
They smile, but are not really happy when they see you
Be careful of the ones that always wanna get you high
Cause when the time comes, that one'll let you die
Listen to me! I'm here, but I can only help you
if you want me to help, what do you want for yourself? "
So here are two verses that speak to me the most and have for years. I've quoted this song on numerous occasions to illustrate points. Mainly the part where X says "I put you here to do a job and your work ain't done to live is to suffer, but you're still my son." That part made me really contemplate my position when going through difficult times and often times contributed to me having the strength to move on. The part I don't quote about the internal war and fighting harder is something I consider often as well. Recently I updated my artist statement and I discuss the burden of the hero. Often times we are faced with internal battles that we often times want to verbalize but feel as though there may not be others who understand. However, as disconnected and as isolated as we feel, there are others out there who feel just as isolated for similar reasons. I've always been a fan of heroes who act alone and have to fight harder than other heroes such as Spawn and Wolverine. Both of them have to battle emotions, thoughts and memories as well as their opponents. The reason being is that I often have similar battles as well.
Often times many people say they like Wolverine because he is a badass, ignoring the multiple dimensions of this amazing character. On the most basic level he is a mutant with an incredible healing ability that causes him to recover from any mortal wound as well as age incredibly slow. As we delve deeper this is a man with several lifetimes of memories; joy,love, pain and tragedy. He was a soldier that was experimented on and had adamantium bonded with his skeleton a rare metal that is virtually indestructible. During this process his memories were fragmented as well as altered to make him a more controllable weapon. He managed to escape and since he escaped he had to work through his memories to find one thing he would really enjoy having, inner peace. Many of us are searching for the same thing as well as pure happiness. We have to remember things happen for a reason and learn from everything that happens to us good and bad. It's hard to not get consumed by our negative thoughts and I can tell you there are times where my doubts won out. It's a never ending struggle, but as long as you don't give in there's always hope to win.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
I'm back
Let me preface this with a happy new year. I'm not really much into the whole new years thing being as though I never find myself doing anything interesting. The only exception being this year when I was down in my little makeshift art studio painting and creating something I was proud to call my own. As the year came to an end I did a bit of reflection. Some people end the year saying forget last year, and 2012 wasn't a fantastic year for me, however in all honesty it could have been way worse.
I started 2012 with a nice little part time job that slowly started to turn to a crappy part time job that I ended up losing. I accumulated studio lighting equipment, a blue screen and a green screen however it wasn't the best year for me in terms of video production and that also kind of became linked to the job I ultimately lost. I made a few paintings but mentally nothing will ever top the time I quit smoking cigarettes and pushed out 15 paintings in 3 months. It wasn't a good year for relationships either. But with all that said it was a pretty good year because I learned a lot, got to do a bit of traveling towards the end of the year, met some very cool individuals and during my time away I got to do a fair bit of self reflection. Unfortunately during my travels my laptop went kaput and I bought a affordable netbook from Best Buy or as I now like to refer to it Better than Worst Buy. Within 2 months of owning this laptop, my screen cracked which kinda sucked because it happened on my birthday. After all of that I finally returned home and my PS3 had the Yellow Light of Death. It totally wasn't a good year for my electronics, but possessions are fleeting and you can't really revel in all of that and let it dictate your mood.
Despite all the stuff that did happen to me, I did manage to have fun and when you start stressing, that's a very important thing to do. I was able to sit down and think about what to do from this point forward and there honestly wasn't anything else to do but pick myself up and move on. Start working to my goals and turn my potential to actuality. It hasn't been easy, but nothing worthwhile is usually easy. Even though I was renewed and invigorated from my travels and had this urge to work towards my goals, once I returned home it was like I had to fight with myself to keep that motivation and at first it seemed to fade. It wasn't really until I met up and had lunch with one of my old college professors and mentors that I came to a point of actualization. Sometimes we think we have something beat within ourselves and it plays possum to make us believe it. Then when we try to move forward it springs back up and attacks us. It then becomes an internal battle and sometimes in battle nobody's the winner.
Back to this blog, I fell off with entries around June of last year and it seemed to me like I was fighting with myself to keep up these entries. This was mainly due to the fact that I didn't have a general direction for this blog and I wanted to avoid it becoming a redundant thing like just posting about my artwork on here. I developed several ideas for this blog but when my laptop went under a couple of those ideas went out the window. As a result I didn't post anything which is worse than me posting a bad entry or even a redundant entry. I recently read a chapter in a book that I'm borrowing about how artists rationalize things and ultimately it can inhibit growth and creativity. In many ways I was letting external things inhibit my creativity whether they directly affected me or not. That's not a good way to be and ultimately I am attempting to move forward from that. I personally don't believe in New Years resolutions so I never set them but this year I have quite a few goals and I have to keep an eye on them to make sure that they happen. This blog is a sort of verbalization of that and yes there will be more to come this year.
I started 2012 with a nice little part time job that slowly started to turn to a crappy part time job that I ended up losing. I accumulated studio lighting equipment, a blue screen and a green screen however it wasn't the best year for me in terms of video production and that also kind of became linked to the job I ultimately lost. I made a few paintings but mentally nothing will ever top the time I quit smoking cigarettes and pushed out 15 paintings in 3 months. It wasn't a good year for relationships either. But with all that said it was a pretty good year because I learned a lot, got to do a bit of traveling towards the end of the year, met some very cool individuals and during my time away I got to do a fair bit of self reflection. Unfortunately during my travels my laptop went kaput and I bought a affordable netbook from Best Buy or as I now like to refer to it Better than Worst Buy. Within 2 months of owning this laptop, my screen cracked which kinda sucked because it happened on my birthday. After all of that I finally returned home and my PS3 had the Yellow Light of Death. It totally wasn't a good year for my electronics, but possessions are fleeting and you can't really revel in all of that and let it dictate your mood.
Despite all the stuff that did happen to me, I did manage to have fun and when you start stressing, that's a very important thing to do. I was able to sit down and think about what to do from this point forward and there honestly wasn't anything else to do but pick myself up and move on. Start working to my goals and turn my potential to actuality. It hasn't been easy, but nothing worthwhile is usually easy. Even though I was renewed and invigorated from my travels and had this urge to work towards my goals, once I returned home it was like I had to fight with myself to keep that motivation and at first it seemed to fade. It wasn't really until I met up and had lunch with one of my old college professors and mentors that I came to a point of actualization. Sometimes we think we have something beat within ourselves and it plays possum to make us believe it. Then when we try to move forward it springs back up and attacks us. It then becomes an internal battle and sometimes in battle nobody's the winner.
Back to this blog, I fell off with entries around June of last year and it seemed to me like I was fighting with myself to keep up these entries. This was mainly due to the fact that I didn't have a general direction for this blog and I wanted to avoid it becoming a redundant thing like just posting about my artwork on here. I developed several ideas for this blog but when my laptop went under a couple of those ideas went out the window. As a result I didn't post anything which is worse than me posting a bad entry or even a redundant entry. I recently read a chapter in a book that I'm borrowing about how artists rationalize things and ultimately it can inhibit growth and creativity. In many ways I was letting external things inhibit my creativity whether they directly affected me or not. That's not a good way to be and ultimately I am attempting to move forward from that. I personally don't believe in New Years resolutions so I never set them but this year I have quite a few goals and I have to keep an eye on them to make sure that they happen. This blog is a sort of verbalization of that and yes there will be more to come this year.
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