Let me preface this with a happy new year. I'm not really much into the whole new years thing being as though I never find myself doing anything interesting. The only exception being this year when I was down in my little makeshift art studio painting and creating something I was proud to call my own. As the year came to an end I did a bit of reflection. Some people end the year saying forget last year, and 2012 wasn't a fantastic year for me, however in all honesty it could have been way worse.
I started 2012 with a nice little part time job that slowly started to turn to a crappy part time job that I ended up losing. I accumulated studio lighting equipment, a blue screen and a green screen however it wasn't the best year for me in terms of video production and that also kind of became linked to the job I ultimately lost. I made a few paintings but mentally nothing will ever top the time I quit smoking cigarettes and pushed out 15 paintings in 3 months. It wasn't a good year for relationships either. But with all that said it was a pretty good year because I learned a lot, got to do a bit of traveling towards the end of the year, met some very cool individuals and during my time away I got to do a fair bit of self reflection. Unfortunately during my travels my laptop went kaput and I bought a affordable netbook from Best Buy or as I now like to refer to it Better than Worst Buy. Within 2 months of owning this laptop, my screen cracked which kinda sucked because it happened on my birthday. After all of that I finally returned home and my PS3 had the Yellow Light of Death. It totally wasn't a good year for my electronics, but possessions are fleeting and you can't really revel in all of that and let it dictate your mood.
Despite all the stuff that did happen to me, I did manage to have fun and when you start stressing, that's a very important thing to do. I was able to sit down and think about what to do from this point forward and there honestly wasn't anything else to do but pick myself up and move on. Start working to my goals and turn my potential to actuality. It hasn't been easy, but nothing worthwhile is usually easy. Even though I was renewed and invigorated from my travels and had this urge to work towards my goals, once I returned home it was like I had to fight with myself to keep that motivation and at first it seemed to fade. It wasn't really until I met up and had lunch with one of my old college professors and mentors that I came to a point of actualization. Sometimes we think we have something beat within ourselves and it plays possum to make us believe it. Then when we try to move forward it springs back up and attacks us. It then becomes an internal battle and sometimes in battle nobody's the winner.
Back to this blog, I fell off with entries around June of last year and it seemed to me like I was fighting with myself to keep up these entries. This was mainly due to the fact that I didn't have a general direction for this blog and I wanted to avoid it becoming a redundant thing like just posting about my artwork on here. I developed several ideas for this blog but when my laptop went under a couple of those ideas went out the window. As a result I didn't post anything which is worse than me posting a bad entry or even a redundant entry. I recently read a chapter in a book that I'm borrowing about how artists rationalize things and ultimately it can inhibit growth and creativity. In many ways I was letting external things inhibit my creativity whether they directly affected me or not. That's not a good way to be and ultimately I am attempting to move forward from that. I personally don't believe in New Years resolutions so I never set them but this year I have quite a few goals and I have to keep an eye on them to make sure that they happen. This blog is a sort of verbalization of that and yes there will be more to come this year.
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