1 year later: Moving forward, reflection, understanding

I skimmed my last post on depression and have thought about, started and stopped making posts since that last post on February 5th. I always ended up stopping because I didn't like the tone of the posts I was making. They weren't inherently negative, however I think there was a feeling to acknowledge the fact that I haven't posted since that time which brought me into a negative mindset and changed the tone of what I was writing. Often times I get the idea to start a post about something during which time I was in no position to sit down and write or even jot down my idea in a notebook to try and table it for another time. Then when I the ability to sit down I get the urge to address the fact that I haven't posted and then I lose what I was originally going to post. The ultimate lesson from that is that it's better to move on than continue to harp on an issue because that impedes progress. I am ultimately my harshest critic but each day I realize that the harshest criticisms that I put on myself aren't even my words originally. Over the years I have internalized negative comments said against me and those comments became voices and those voices became thoughts. In a way I felt like Inui Takumi from Kamen Rider Faiz as depicted below.

Everyday is a chance to learn about the things around you including yourself. Often times we can get overburdened with things coming at us from all directions that we forget what our thoughts were and what others opinions are. When a person feels like they have never been supported or brought up in a way that a foundation for self confidence can be really shaky. It's process but if you're able to step back and identify those artificial things in yourself they can be destroyed, at least that's what I think. Well it's 2016 and after a month of putting this off I finally got this done. I'm going to try to go back to making regular posts but if I don't understand that I'm rebuilding a foundation. It may not be instantaneous but I'll still try to keep this updated.