Cracked Lemonade

Personally I don't know the circumstances that make me more inclined to write or be creative. It can just be boiled down to sometimes I'm inspired to write, draw, or whatever I feel like doing and sometimes I don't. As I continue to develop more work I sometimes look back on other things I write or draw. I recently read this piece I wrote around 2008 about the concept of cracked lemonade. Honestly cracked lemonade began as the name of my Myspace account. It was honestly two words I placed together to make the URL of my account. It developed over that span of time into what I would subsequently name my YouTube account to give identity to my videos. It's funny how over the years people ask what it means and why I chose that combination of words. Well here's an untitled piece of writing by yours truly from 2008 about cracked lemonade.

Who am I?
I am Cracked Lemonade.
I'm the glass of lemonade that sits
on the counter and nobody drinks.
As a result I become less favorable
as time goes on. Flies land in me,
mold grows in me. I'm fucked up.
There is no saving grace.
There is no person who says
"This shit's vile!" and pours
me out and fills the glass with
fresh lemonade. I just sit there.
I am Cracked Lemonade.
I've seen shit, I've been through
shit that other glasses haven't.
I am poison but at the same time
I'm not poisonous to myself.
I'm just a glass that is waiting
to be poured out.
But here's the question,
when will I be poured out?
I see no purpose in being a discolored
glass of lemonade sitting on the
counter everyday waiting for that
one person to see into the glass and realize
how disgusting I am inside so they can
finally just pour me out. I may be liquid
but I can feel. I feel that I am no longer
yellow or any color close to lemonade.
I feel the insects and other things swimming
within my being. I feel the mold growing
and the glass breaking. I feel everything.
As I sit here, this glass of lemonade
sees other glasses surrounding him.
I see the lemonade actually made
from lemons. I see the lemonade made
from concentrate and unnatural sugars.
I also see the other glasses can't tell the
difference. This glass of lemonade also
sees that as cracked lemonade he serves
no purpose. Because even though
cracked lemonade sees all the other
flavors he cannot fully understand his
own flavor. Was he artificially sweetened
or naturally flavored? Before his flavor was
tainted did he taste good? Would his
original flavor quench thirst?
As cracked lemonade he will never know.
So as cracked lemonade I sit in my glass waiting
to be poured out.

Copyright © 2008 Dane Bard All rights reserved

Now tense issues aside, this was interesting to re-read. Overall it's good to see how my attitude has changed. Being cracked lemonade isn't easy and somebody has to do it. Sometimes you look back at things and realize that things aren't as bad as you perceived them and that there are other tainted lemonades out there, some are even poisonous to themselves. Being Cracked Lemonade isn't as bad as I made it out to be back then, it's just something I have to live and grow with. Maybe one day I will turn from lemonade to a uniquely flavored wine or something like that. To go out on a Bruce Willis quote "Smile you fuck!"(The Last Boyscout)